Recently I blogged about being sad. It’s been a really tough few months for me, fighting off these thoughts and feeling being down in the dumps all the time. It’s harder when noone else around me understands, because “being sad” is as though a choice and I chose it, or as if I’m an ingrate who don’t appreciate all the wonderful things I have and the lifestyle that I enjoy. I can’t help how I feel and I can’t let go of it; I can’t just “stop it”. I feel like I am doing something wrong by being sad or by sighing. Yes, I am not poor but my soul is starving.
But I can try; try harder to be happier. I can try to do things that used to give me joy in hopes that they could pluck me out of this abyss that I am stuck in. I’m trying to make myself start blogging again – I’m not sure what the direction will be. Perhaps just to voice out my thoughts since no one else in real life understands what I am going through, or just talk about all the makeup that I have which I used to do and that used to make me happy.
In the last few months I have actually lost interest in makeup; actually I lost interest in almost everything. I have a whole load of brand new makeup just sitting in my makeup table – a wonderful makeup desk with lights on the side that the husband had people custom build for me, but which I haven’t been able to appreciate because I’ve been feeling so sorry for myself. I’ve lost so much of myself in the last few months and I need to get it back.
I’m really trying and I hope that things would turn around soon; I really wish that I could find the old me back – the person that didn’t need to make so much effort just to be happy at nothing. I need to get out of this. Wish me luck.